Beauty Contest
by Air Guardian
Summary: The slayers gang join a beauty contest to make some extra money....while being constantly attacked by...err...well...squids...and Gourry complaining about the...uhh...sun...please r/r! (oh yeah, Filia/Xel in the end)
1. Choose the Contestants

Beauty Contest 

Part one: Choose the Contestants

By Isabelle (We are so doomed...)

Disclaimer: HEY! THE SQUIRREL JUST BLEW UP...oh...you can hear me? I mean, I don't own Slayers...but *crackles evilly* *grabs the Hikari no Ken* I OWN THIS NOW!!

Gourry: Hey! *chases after her*

Isabelle: ::trips and falls flat on her face:: Damn....

[[Uhhh...yeah...whatever...lets just get on with the fic...]]

~~~~~~~~~

Lina and the gang wondered around town. A rumbling was heard. Lina's stomach...

Lina: I'm sooooooooooooo hungry...

Filia: -.- We just ate five minutes ago.

Lina: That's my point. I'm hungry again.

-everyone sweatdrops-

Suddenly, something caught Amelia's eye.

Amelia: Lina-san! Come here!!!! ::points to a poster, excitedly::

Filia: O.O I never knew Amelia knew how to hyperventilate...

Zel: -.-; You don't know her very well, do you?

Gourry: Hyperventilate? Is that a type of food?

Lina: ::whacks him:: BAKA!! ::walks to Amelia:: What's this...?

Lina read the poster. Suddenly, hearts popped into her eyes as she read the bottom.

Lina: ONE MILLION DOLLAR PRIZE?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Zel: ::raises an eyebrow:: Prize?

Lina: A beauty contest! We enter, we win, we get ONE MILLION DOLLARS!!!

Filia: But...but...that's So...so...

Lina: ::grabs Filia by the collar:: Hey, you wanna make some money or not?

Filia: ::sigh:: Even if we do enter, what are the chances of us winning?

Lina: ::lets go:: ::strikes a pose:: Who COULDN'T vote for this beautiful, powerful, majestic-

Gourry: Small-breasted?

Lina: WHAT!?!??! Fireball!

Gourry: ::gets fired:: ...ow...

Lina: ::smacks herself:: He's so stupid, it takes him ten seconds to realize he's in pain...

Filia: And plus, we only have three girls in this group...

Amelia: Filia-san has a point there...

Lina: *evil look* Three girls eh? ::shoots a look at the burnt Gourry and Zel::

Zel: O.O Oh no...

Gourry: Huh? Tunafish?

Lina: ::ignores Gourry:: ::drags Gourry and Zel away:: ::crackles evilly::

Zel: LINA!! THIS IS INJUSTICE!!!

Amelia: WHAT!??!?! INJUSTICE!??!

-Wufei pops outta nowhere-

Wufei: Hey! That's my line! INJUSTICE!!!

Isabelle: -.-() Wrong anime Wu-man.

Wufei: WHAT did you just call me???

Isabelle: ::sigh::

-a scene where you see Isabelle dragging a very mad pilot of 05 who is shouting 'INJUSTICE' every other second-

Amelia: @.@ Nooooo...too many Injustices...I MUST SAVE THEM!!!

Filia: ::sips her tea::

-you hear screams in the tailor shop-

-strange sounds such as: "HEY! YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR THAT!" "SHUT UP! FIREBALL!" "NOOO!! NOT THE PINK ONE!!" "Hey...I see anchovies..." "GOURRY! WHY DO YOU HAVE A SQUID?!!?" "OH NO!! ANOTHER SQUID!!"-

Filia: Too late.

Amelia: What's going on in there?!?! ::stomps into the tailor shop, prepared to recite a justice speech:: OH MY GOD!! SQUIDS!??!?!

Filia: ::raises an eye at the author:: Squids?

-Isabelle appears-

Isabelle: They're being attacked by mini-squids. ::disappears again::

Suddenly, the door opened. Out stepped a maiden-I mean Gourry with his hair up in meatballs, lipstick, eye-shadow, blush, in a pink gown...and not to mention...

Filia: ::spits out her tea:: HOW...?!?!?!?!?!


	2. Strut Your Stuff Xelloss!

Beauty Contest

Part Two: Strut Your STuff Xelloss!

AN: Filia/Xelloss Warning

~~~

Lina rushed downstairs to the main room of the inn they were staying at. There stood Gourry in his pink dress, Filia in a white dress, Ameila in a red dress, and Zel in a tux. Lina raised an eyebrow. Zel glared at her. Lina herself was wearing a dark, blood red dress.

Zel: Amelia forced me into a tux okay?

Amelia: ^-^; Doesn't Zelgadis-san look so handsome?

Lina: O.o Uhhh...yeah...'real' handsome...

Zel: ::deathglare::

Filia: ::looks at the clock:: We should get going now.

Gourry: I'm hungry!

Lina: ::whacks Gourry:: Shut up! After we win, you'll never be hungry again!

Gourry: ::wide eyes:: REALLY?

Lina: No. But it sounded good.

They were about to leave when a whistle rang through the inn.

Filia: Nooo...it's not who I think it is...

Xelloss: ^____^ Filia-chan! You look so nice in your dress!

Filia was about to twirl around and say something back when...

Lina: O.O Xelloss...why, WHY, are you in a dress!?!?!

Xelloss: ^____^ Why, to join the beauty contest of course!

Zel: -.-; I'll never understand that baka...

It was true! Xelloss was dressed in a red traditional chinese dress with high slits. (There's a pic too! If you want the pic, email me at [kiyonemakibi23@aol.com][1] and I'll give ya a copy)

Amelia: Wow! Mr. Xelloss! You look very...pretty...

Xelloss: ^___^ Thank you Amelia.

Filia: -_-() Why do I find it disturbing that he has nicer legs than me?

Xelloss: ::teleports to Filia:: Ahhh...Filia-chan...looking at my legs eh?

Filia: YOU FRUITCAKE!! ::runs from Xelloss::

Xelloss:^_______^

Filia: .

Zel: 3...2...1...

Filia: NAMAGOMI!!!!

Zel: Bingo.

Lina: ::sigh:: Filia, lets just go to the contest...and plus, you don't have your mace...

-silence-

-scene where Lina and Amelia have to both cling onto Filia who is trying to run upstairs to get her mace-

Xelloss: ^___^; I wonder what's wrong?

Zel: -.-; Let's just go...

Gourry: OH MY GOD!! IT'S...IT'S...THE SUN!!

Xelloss: ^____^ Whaddya know? The worlds stupidest child...er...swordsman...knows what the sun is...

Finally, they got their act together and set off to the center of the town, where the contest was held. While they were walking...Lina looked like she wanted to know something...

Lina: Ummm...Xelloss?

Xelloss: ^___^ Hm?

Lina: How-

Xelloss: Plastic oranges.

Lina: Oh.

Hence...the conversation.

Finally, they reached the platform. They looked around for directions and instead they found...

Gourry: Hey, isn't that Isabelle?

-church music in the backround-

Lina: g_g  YOU ACTUALLY RECOGNIZED SOME ONE OTHER THAN THE REGULAR GANG!!

-church music stops-

Lina: Okay, that's enough.

-Isabelle walks over to them-

Isabelle: O.O Wow...you actually went through with it...

Lina: ::grabs Isabelle by the collar:: NO REALLY!! WHAT DID YA THINK!!??

Isabelle: ^^;;;; No need to get excited! Really! ::sees Xelloss and Gourry:: How...

Filia: -.-() Plastic fruit.

Xelloss: ^___^ Hi Isabelle-chan.

Isabelle: ::hearts in eyes:: KAWAII!!

Filia: I'll never understand that author...

Isabelle: Anyway, the show's about to start. I gotta go host.

Lina: ::grabs Isabelle by the collar again:: ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT YOU SET THIS WHOLE THING UP?!?!

Isabelle: ^^; It IS my fic...

Lina: ::lets go:: Grrr...

Isabelle: ::makes a run for it:: 

-audience gets very silent-

Isabelle: Ladies an Gentlemen-oh wait...never mind...Gentlemen, welcome to the first Beauty Contest ever held in this town. Will the contestants please lined up at the back of the stage...?

-All the contestants line up-

-"OW! Gourry!" "Namagomi!! Get off of me!" "Uhhh...Xelloss disappeared..." "IT'S THE SUN AGAIN!"-

-Meanwhile, Zel was in the audience...sweatdropping...-

Isabelle: *coughs* Ummm...anyway, here are the rules. Each contestant walks down the aisle, turns, and walks back. The winner has to get the loudest applause and the highest number from 1-10 by our judge, Valgaav.

Filia, Lina, and Amelia almost fell over at the name.

Filia: WHAT!?!? I can't go through this in front of Valgaav!

Lina: ::smacks herself:: We're doomed...

Gourry: The sun's still out!

Lina: Shut up!

Meanwhile, all the other contestants (who didn't know who Val really was) were drooling over him. Xelloss had mysterious disappeared.

Isabelle: Let the contest begin.

The lights dimmed. The music blasted. First up was some fish girl. Medium appluase and a 6. Next was some wonder model. Loud applause and a 8. The next person looked some what familiar...

Lina: NAGA!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?!

Naga: ::blinks:: Lina Inverse? What the...?

Isabelle: Move it.

Naga: WHAT!!?? MOVE IT!?!? NO ONE TALKS LIKE THAT TO NAGA THE GREATEST SORCERESS IN THE WORLD! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

By this time, all the people other than Lina were holding their ears. Isabelle took out her laptop and typed something in it. Suddenly, Naga lost her voice. Then Val got up and threw her out of the town.

Valgaav: Much better.

Isabelle: Pity really. She was getting the loudest applause yet...

Another girl. Another girl. Another fish girl. Finally, Ameila was up. She got up and walked down the aisle. Just before she turned, she winked at Zelgadis who blushed. Loud applause and a 7.

Then it was Lina's turn. She first glared at Val and walked down the aisle. There was silence. Then a very LOUD applause. But only a 2.

Lina: WHAT!?!?

Valgaav: HEY! YOU TRIED TO KILL ME!! AND YOU KILLED MY MASTER!!

Lina: Why you...Darkness bey-

Isabelle: ::flips her laptop open again:: I'm warning you...

Lina: Humph. ::stomps off the stage::

Next was Gourry. Val stared and felt like smacking himself. He couldn't believe this was happening. Yet, Gourry got an even louder applause by the audience. Val held up a 8.

Random Person: SHE DESERVES HIGHER!!

Val: ::mutters:: You'll be the first to die after this...and plus, I know that this isn't really a girl...

Then Filia was up. Val choked.

Val: WHAT!??! I HAVE TO JUDGE FOR HER!?!?

Filia: ::in a voice full of pity:: I'm sorry Valgaav. You can give me a one if you want.

Val: Uhhhh... ::isn't used to people being nice to him::

Filia walked down the aisle. She got a pretty loud applause. Suddenly, a guy whistled. He blew up. Silence

Filia: What just happened?

Suddenly, a strange voice rang out...

Strange Voice OH, YOU THINK FILIA'S CUTE EH!??! WELL, SHE'S TAKEN!!!

Filia: That funny...I'd swear that I heard that voice some where...

Isabelle: ::whips out her laptop again::

Strange Voice ::sees the laptop:: ...I'll go now...

Isabelle: Okay, Filia, please continue...

Anyway, the applause continued and Filia got a 8.

Then, another girl, another girl...and so on. Then, it was at the end.

Isabelle: Okay, we have a three-way tie! Gou-err...I mean Gloria, Filia, and Marina!

Gourry, Filia, and some fish girl stepped out. Suddenly, the sky got cloudy. There was no sun. Poor Gourry. A strange light came down through the clouds. Everyone blinked. A figure appeared. All the random people's jaws dropped.

Filia: So now Xelloss decides to show up...

Xelloss: ^___^ ::stikes a sexy pose::

RaNdom men: ::drools::

Valgaav: X.X Oh...my...god...this is too sick...

Lina: -.- Filia's right...that Mazoku has better looking legs than even me...

Gourry: Xelloss? Why are you-

Xelloss: ::takes out his staff and whacks Gourry:: Shut up.

Xelloss struted down down the aisle, swaying his hips from side to side. The men followed every move. Isabelle felt like killing him. So did Val. So did Filia. Hell, the whole Slayers gang felt like strangling the life outta the trickster priest. That is, other than Gourry who was wondering where the sun went...

Xelloss twirled around and struted back to Isabelle who had a major sweatdrop hanging over her head.

The loudest applause known to mankind('man'kind) sounded through the town.

Isabelle: Youa re an idiot Xelloss.

Xelloss: ^___^ Hey, the adience loved me.

Isabelle: I've gotta admit you've got a nice body.

Xelloss: ^__^ Isabelle...I NEVER knew-

Isabelle: ::whacks Xelloss:: I didn't mean it like that! Val?

Valgaav couldn't answer. He had passed out.

Xelloss: Wow...I AM effective...

Filia: ::stomps up to Xelloss:: Okay, Mazoku, what do you want?

Xelloss: o.^ Can't I have fun? And what did I score on the number thing...

Isabelle: Well...since Val's not here...I've gotta admit that...

Xelloss: ^__________^ Well?

Isabelle: ~ ashamed Well, you got a 10.

Filia: WHAT?!?!?!

Xelloss: ::cracks up::

Lina: I can't believe this...

Amelia: We were so close...

Gourry: THE SUN IS GONE!!

Zel: I am officially disturbed for life...

Isabelle walked to the adience, dragging Xelloss. 

Isabelle: Well, it looks like we have a winner...Xelloss!

Random guy: Hmmm...that sounds like a man's name!

Random guy: Hey Xelloss-babe! What's your number!

Xelloss: ^___^ That's a secret!

Isabelle: ::sigh:: ::gets out her laptop::

-people move away from her-

Isabelle: I'M NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING BAD!! SERIOUSLY!! ::tpyes:: ::one million dollars appear in front of Xelloss::

Xelloss: O.o Hmmm...I have no use for such money...I have an idea!

-he sets the money on fire-

Lina: OH MY GOD!! XELLOSS YOU #$*^%@$^%*%&!!!!!

Filia: Stupid...namagomi...

Xelloss: ::crackles evilly:: And now I have a prize for all of you!

Guys: O.O ::hopes 'she'll' strip or something::

Xelloss: ::grabs Filia:: ::blows up the stage:: ::teleports them::

Lina: SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!!

They appeared in the air, a few hundred feet above the wreck and Lina cursing. Xelloss was in his regular clothes again.

Filia: AHHH!! Let me go Namagomi!!

Xelloss: Seriously?

Filia: ::realizes where she is:: Uhhhh...

Xelloss: ^___^

Filia: ::narrows her eyes:: Why did you blow the stage up?

Xelloss: Why, to be alone with you of course!

Filia: WHAT!?!? LEMME GO!!

Xelloss: ::lets go::

Filia: ::reality hits her:: ::clings onto Xelloss::

Xelloss: ::opens his eyes and holds Filia closer::

Filia: What the... O.O

Xelloss: Filia-chan...remember that voice...it was me...

   [1]: mailto:kiyonemakibi23@aol.com



End file.
